Holy Cyst, Batman!

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I last posted.  I’m sure you have all been worried sick.  I’ve just been going through some weird health stuff.  Between that and starting school, blogging hasn’t really been my top priority.  I want to give you fair warning, that this post probably crosses the line of too much information, and I suggest that if you’re sensitive to the women’s reproductive system or are a male without sisters (and maybe, in my case, my brother), you might want to turn away.  I will not be offended.

In July, I had my yearly check-up and after I described some issues I was having and had my blood drawn to discover I was extremely anemic, my nurse practitioner decided I should have an ultrasound done.  The ultrasound showed that I had a very thick endometrial lining and this grapefruit sized cystic mass growing inside of me.  Then, I had to meet with a doctor to decide a course of action.  She decided I needed an endometrial biopsy to make sure the lining was normal, and a CT scan to find out what exactly the cystic mass was and where exactly it was coming from.  Since I’m no longer on my parent’s health insurance, I had to wait for the CT scan to be preauthorized.  In the meantime, I had the biopsy done and those results came back normal.  After about 10 days of waiting, I was able to have the CT scan done.  They discovered it was a 9 cm ovarian cyst.  Maybe that’s actually tennis ball-sized?  Either way, it’s still significantly larger than my ovary.  In fact, it’s actually bigger than my uterus.  TMI, I know, but it’s kind of interesting, right?  I decided that I’m going to have laparoscopic surgery to remove the cyst (instead of just waiting to see if it shrinks), which has a relatively easy recovery.  They’ll also probably take a peek directly into my oven to see what’s up with that.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to recover and make it back to normal life after a few days of rest.  It’s possible that part of the cyst is solid, which would mean I have to have an actual open surgery.

My well-documented addiction to WebMD has made this a very stressful – yet educational – time for me.  There was a week (which felt like a month) where I was convinced I was one of the very small fraction of pre-menopausal women to have endometrial cancer.  See, I tend to have weird health issues.  I have absolutely no sense of smell (the exception to this being cigarettes and gasoline) because I was hit in the nose with a softball as a child and have a deviated septum.   At 15, I was most likely the youngest person ever to need a colonoscopy.  A couple years later I had to have my FIVE wisdom teeth removed.  I’m sure my friends could help me brainstorm more, but take my word, I have been to many appointments where the professional has stated “Wow.  I have never seen this before.” This is usually followed by them calling in their colleagues to check out whatever freak thing is going on with me at the time.  So, when I have any of the symptoms of an illness that is unlikely – but possible – for me to have, I just expect the worst.  I know this all makes me sound like a bit of a drama queen.  Trust me, I can be one.  I did come to a very dramatic self-diagnosis, but had a weirdly non-dramatic reaction.  I would say I was probably more apathetic than dramatic.    Then, after the results came back normal, I just grew impatient with finding out what it was and how we were going to treat it.

This all has also made me very impatient in the fitness/weight loss department.  Probably starting in the end of June/beginning of July, I had been getting SO tired.  Whenever I would run or Jazzercise, my limbs just felt so heavy.  I was worried that maybe I was getting burnt out on all the exercising I had been doing.  I also thought maybe I was starting to get lazy, since I had reached my goal of running the 5k.  I had no motivation to work out and really just wanted to sleep all the time.  Then, after discovering the cyst, I was paranoid to do any exercise because I was pretty positive I was going to pop it.  My doctor cleared me for running, but I’m not allowed to do any jumping.  Jumping could cause the cyst and my ovary to get twisted up together, which would be very bad.  Sooo… regular, high impact Jazzercise is out of the question for me.  However, I’m going to try out the Body Sculpting Jazzercise classes in Lincoln so I can still get some strength in along with the cardio from running.  I started running again and it has been good.  I forgot how therapeutic it is.  I actually ran in the rain for the first time last week.  While running in the rain did not turn out to make me high (click here if you are not familiar with this story), I do have to say that running in 60 degree cloudy weather kind of did.  Also, I would much rather run in pouring rain than 100+ degree heat, so long as I’m on pavement and not gravel.  It’s been nice to get into a workout routine.  The weight hasn’t been coming of like I want it to, but I’m hoping it will once this all gets worked out.  My mom just keeps telling me to keep doing what I’m doing and ignore the scale for now.  I know she’s right; I’m just not a very patient person.

 

Lessons I’m learning throughout this whole process:

  • Barium Sulfate is kind of disgusting.
  • When the CT tech suggests that you may feel like you wet your pants once the contrast IV starts, you will feel like you wet your pants.  You may be thinking “Oh… I’m special.  That won’t happen to me.  And if it does, I’ll be able to tell the difference.”  You won’t be able to tell the difference and may start repeatedly saying to yourself, outloud and uncensored, “ Sally, chill the Eff out, you did not pee your pants.”
  • Ice cream after your yearly pap is a great tradition.  You’ve earned it.  However, if you’re trying to lose weight (and have to have a pap, ultrasound, biopsy, and CT scan over the course of a month), you may want to think of a different reward system.
  • If your legs are so heavy that you don’t want to work out, and your cramps are so bad that you suspect that the second coming of Jesus Christ will be born in your toilet, see a doctor.  Seriously.
  • Stopping Jazzerise cold-turkey WILL cause withdrawal.  One of the main symptoms of this specific withdrawal is willingly putting three Pitbull Songs on your running play list.  In certain circumstances, you may find yourself replaying “Shake Senora” over and over again.  Seek help immediately.
  • Talking on the phone in a public place about how annoyed you are with this thing growing inside of you and how you can’t wait to get it removed will cause passerby’s to assume that you are talking about a fetus and in turn give you the stink eye.  The best solution to this is to just not talk on your phone in public places.  (This is actually a very good approach to cell phone etiquette, even if there’s no chance of people assuming that you’re having an abortion.)
  • My friends and family are absolutely amazing and supportive and incredible in every way.  I am very, very lucky.

Completely random story…. A couple weeks ago, I saw a real-life badger when I was running.  It wasn’t a honey badger, but I could tell it still didn’t care.  I think I ran faster than I have ever run before.  What fun wildlife have you seen while out running?

Warning:  Video contains extremely inappropriate language.

 

 

 

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